Beyond the Offer: Helping Rising-Gens Make Confident Decisions About Joining the Family Office
by Paul Edelman
Many rising-gens feel pressure to accept roles in the family office before they’ve clarified purpose, fit, and readiness. This piece offers a practical framework advisors and family leaders can use to support better decisions: clarifying the role vs. the person, separating exploration from commitment, surfacing hidden assumptions, and defining reversible vs. irreversible choices. The result is a more deliberate pathway that increases confidence and reduces later resentment.
🗞️ Published in The International Family Offices Journal
Abstract
When a rising-gen family member is considering a role in the family office, parents and advisers often want to help – though they may also feel the urge to steer or apply pressure. What may seem like a straightforward staffing or succession decision often raises deeper questions of identity, autonomy and readiness. This article offers a practical and developmental framework for supporting confident, well-considered decisions in those moments.
Drawing on psychological insight and real-world experience, it explores five key considerations: identity and autonomy; skills and timing; role clarity; cultural fit; and fair compensation. It also highlights the importance of self-efficacy as a foundation for long-term engagement. When families treat this as a developmental moment, they foster trust, agency and alignment across generations.
The Family Office Career Dilemma
For family office principals and professionals, few questions carry more weight or long-term consequences than whether a rising-generation family member should join the office. While it may appear to be a straightforward staffing or succession decision, it often evokes deeper concerns: Where do I belong? What legacy am I meant to carry forward? Am I ready for this responsibility?
For the rising-gen, the opportunity can feel like an invitation or a test. It can stir hope, pride, doubt and fear. For parents or senior family members, offering the role may feel generous, a natural extension of legacy, but it often carries unspoken expectations.
How a young person engages with the possibility speaks volumes. Do they show curiosity, hesitation or avoidance? These early signals can reveal whether the opportunity feels aligned or imposed. Too often, families rush the decision-making process and miss the chance to explore fit and motivation with care.
When the decision is a good fit, you can often see it. A young person’s energy becomes unmistakable: posture shifts, eyes brighten, language grows more expansive. That kind of response often emerges when internal motivation meets external opportunity. But when the choice is shaped by guilt, pressure or unspoken obligation, that energy fades. They may comply outwardly, but inner conflict lingers. Alignment fuels engagement. Expectation breeds fatigue.
For many rising-gen members, the more fundamental question isn’t just “Should I join?” It’s “Will I be seen as credible if I do?” In a world that often discounts inherited opportunity, there’s a quiet drive to earn recognition: to be valued for who they are and what they contribute, not just the family name. At its core, what they’re seeking is a sense of earned identity – grounded in personal choice and meaningful engagement, shaped more by internal alignment than by legacy alone.
Beneath the desire for recognition is a powerful need: to feel capable and self-directed. Cultivating self-efficacy, the belief that one can choose intentionally and act effectively, gives rising-gen members a sense of ownership over their path. When that belief takes root, it lays a foundation for confidence that extends well beyond a single role. With care, this decision becomes part of a broader developmental process that strengthens future leadership and prepares for key transitions.
In many families, that foundation sparks more reflective conversations about continuity, responsibility and how the rising generation might contribute. These conversations can influence identity, deepen relationships and set the tone for what comes next. For families committed to long-term success, the question of whether a rising-gen member joins is just as important as how and when. Yet too often these moments are clouded by urgency or assumption, bypassing the opportunity to pause, gain perspective and find alignment.
A Decision Seen From Both Sides
This decision carries meaning for both generations. For rising gens, it often stirs questions of identity, autonomy and whether they’ll be seen as legitimate contributors. For parents, it may feel like an act of trust, a hopeful step towards continuity. But what’s offered as an opportunity can still come across as pressure. When both sides bring their own hopes, fears and assumptions, clarity becomes essential. Open, thoughtful dialogue helps transform the moment from a source of tension into a shared understanding.
Core Considerations for Rising-gen Members
With the emotional landscape in view, it’s worth turning to the practical side of the decision. The following are five key considerations that can help rising-gen family members, and those advising them, approach the opportunity with greater clarity and confidence.
Identity and autonomy
One of the first questions to explore is: Whose path am I on? In family systems, roles can carry the weight of history, sometimes blurring the line between personal choice and inherited expectation. Rising-gen members may need space to define themselves outside the family’s shadow before they can authentically choose to step back in.
Autonomy doesn’t mean detachment; it means having a clear internal compass. When the decision to join reflects a sense of authorship, rather than obligation, it’s more likely to support long-term engagement and growth.
Skills, fit and timing
A role in the family office should build on strengths, not just fill a need. It helps to ask: Does this opportunity align with my skills and interests? Am I personally and professionally ready? The best decisions often come from balancing individual growth with family needs. They are grounded in readiness and alignment, not driven by urgency, guilt or convenience.
Many families have found that external experience builds both confidence and credibility. Working elsewhere can stretch capacity, offer perspective and provide something meaningful to bring back. A mismatch between readiness and responsibility, on the other hand, can lead to frustration or quiet resentment.
Recognizing that one isn’t ready isn’t a failure, it’s a sign of maturity. Sometimes, the wisest move is waiting, giving time for development to catch up with opportunity and allowing a better fit to emerge.
Role clarity and growth path
Despite their importance, clear expectations are rarely set. Rising-gen members are sometimes invited into roles without a well-defined mandate, clear reporting structure or meaningful path forward. What are they being asked to accomplish? How will progress be measured? Is there room to grow or is the role symbolic or static?
Ambiguity doesn’t just frustrate the rising-gen; it affects the entire team, especially in settings where family and non-family professionals work side by side. Establishing clarity means more than outlining responsibilities. It involves defining what growth looks like, how success will be supported and what accountability means in practice. When roles are well-framed, they create not only structure but psychological ownership: the feeling of being trusted, equipped and truly responsible.
Culture, purpose, and voice
The culture of the family office shapes whether a role becomes meaningful or merely symbolic. Is this an environment where younger voices are heard, diverse perspectives are welcomed and values are lived? When rising-gen members feel their work aligns with something purposeful, they’re more likely to engage fully. When that alignment is missing, the experience can feel hollow, a performance rather than a contribution.
Culture also determines whether rising-gens are genuinely involved or merely occupy a seat. Real involvement means helping guide decisions, contribute to initiatives and challenge assumptions. When they’re treated as learners and contributors, not just successors or figureheads, rising-gen members develop voice, confidence and a deeper sense of belonging.
Compensation and perceived fairness
In a family enterprise, compensation is never just about money; it’s a signal. It reflects how the family views contribution, accountability and fairness. Are expectations clear? Are pay structures consistent across family and non-family roles? Is there a rationale that can be explained and understood? These choices shape how rising-gen members interpret their role and what the family values are.
Financial decisions in family systems often carry emotional meaning. When compensation feels opaque, inconsistent or unfair, it can erode trust or stir quiet resentment. Clear, open conversations about reward and recognition help ensure that compensation reflects not just budget considerations, but shared values. A transparent approach builds trust and frees rising-gen members to focus on purpose, not politics.
Supporting Better Decisions
Families and advisers play a pivotal role in creating favourable conditions for confident, well-considered choices. That begins with making room to reflect, to ask hard questions and to weigh internal motivations against external expectations. It’s empathy and understanding, not persuasion, that allows rising-gen members to find their footing and make decisions they can truly own.
The goal isn’t to control the outcome, but to respect the process. Families that welcome open-ended conversations, where ‘yes’, ‘no’, or ‘not yet’ are all valid responses, create an environment where trust and agency can take root. The path isn’t always linear. Some rising-gens may explore other opportunities before returning with renewed clarity. Others may choose not to join at all, and still play a meaningful role in advancing the family’s shared values and long-term vision.
Advisers can support the process by helping families slow down, surface the right questions and create moments for genuine reflection. Distinguishing what’s truly important from what merely feels urgent can shift the tone of the conversation. Often, a well-timed pause brings more insight than a well-meant push.
Helping young people trust their ability to make and own well-considered decisions is at the heart of this work. When families treat the choice to join as a developmental opportunity rather than a staffing move, they build a rising generation that is more grounded, confident and capable – whatever path they take. Framing the decision as both meaningful and optional increases the likelihood that, if they say yes, they’ll arrive energised and ready to contribute, confident in both their choice and the value they bring.
Paul Edelman, PhD, PCC, is a Boston‑based family wealth coach and adviser, with a PhD in personality and developmental psychology from Harvard. He serves on the faculty of the Ultra High Net Worth Institute and specialises in rising‑gen engagement, collaborative decision‑making and governance.