Family Facilitation in Integrated Wealth Management:
Practical Tools for Client-Facing Teams
Paul Edelman, PhD
Table of Contents
Introduction
Families navigating wealth, legacy, and transition often face challenges that financial strategies alone can’t solve. That’s where thoughtful facilitation comes in.
This packet brings together field-tested tools and resources I’ve developed to help multi-family offices (MFOs) and wealth management teams identify when and how to introduce outside facilitation—without handing off the client relationship.
Whether you're training your team, preparing a client conversation, or setting expectations for a new engagement, these tools are designed to build your confidence, clarify roles, and deepen the trust you’ve built with client families.
I hope you find them useful—and welcome your feedback on what else would help.
Paul Edelman, PhD
Edelman & Associates
Using an Outside Facilitator: When and How
Here are some situations when a client relationship manager might consider partnering with or referring to an outside expert in facilitation:
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Rising-Generation Preparedness – The client’s heirs or younger family members lack financial literacy or struggle with wealth management concepts. Education can help them become responsible stewards of wealth.
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Family Governance and Communication Challenges – If family members have differing perspectives on wealth, entitlement, or financial responsibility, an expert can facilitate productive discussions and shared understanding.
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Wealth Transition Planning – When preparing for intergenerational wealth transfer, an expert can help ensure that beneficiaries understand the responsibilities, risks, and opportunities associated with their inheritance.
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Concerns About Entitlement or Dependency – If clients worry that their wealth will negatively impact their heirs’ motivation or work ethic, structured education can instill values of financial independence and stewardship.
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Complexity of Wealth Structures – When a family office, trust structure, or private business is involved, an expert can simplify complex concepts so all stakeholders understand how these entities function.
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Philanthropic Intentions – If a family is engaging in philanthropy or impact investing, education can help younger generations develop a thoughtful, strategic approach rather than simply donating money without clear objectives.
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Entrepreneurial or Business Succession Goals – When the rising generation is expected to take over a family business, an expert can help them understand financial decision-making, risk management, and governance.
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Sudden Wealth or Windfall Situations – If a client has received a large sum of money (e.g., inheritance, business sale, settlement), wealth education can help them avoid mismanagement and emotional decision-making.
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Behavioral or Emotional Challenges with Money – If a client or their family members exhibit unhealthy financial behaviors (e.g., overspending, fear of money, guilt about wealth), financial therapy or education can help address these issues.
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Legal and Tax Considerations - When clients need a better grasp of tax-efficient strategies, trusts, or estate planning concepts, an expert can provide clarity and confidence in their decision-making.
Training Guide: Engaging Outside Facilitators
Section 1: Purpose of this Guide
To equip client relationship management (CRM) professionals with the judgment, language, and confidence to:
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Identify when outside facilitation may benefit a client family
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Navigate internal and client conversations about outside support
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Collaborate effectively with external experts
Section 2: The 10 Trigger Scenarios
This section outlines common client scenarios that may require external facilitation support.
Rising-Generation Unpreparedness
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Red Flags for CRM: Avoidance, confusion, over-reliance on advisors
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Client Impact: Future risk to stewardship
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Recommended Expert Type: Educator, mentor
Family Communication Breakdown
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Red Flags for CRM: Tense meetings, triangulation
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Client Impact: Distrust, conflict
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Recommended Expert Type: Facilitator, coach
Wealth Transition Anxiety
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Red Flags for CRM: Clients delay planning or over-control
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Client Impact: Gaps between planning and readiness
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Recommended Expert Type: Planner + educator
Entitlement Concerns
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Red Flags for CRM: Gifting with guilt, resentment
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Client Impact: Unmotivated rising gen
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Recommended Expert Type: Values-based coach
Complexity Confusion
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Red Flags for CRM: Blank stares, misinterpretation of structures
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Client Impact: Planning breakdown
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Recommended Expert Type: Translator/educator
Philanthropy Drift
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Red Flags for CRM: Giving without clarity or connection
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Client Impact: Wasted resources, missed impact
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Recommended Expert Type: Strategic philanthropy expert
Business Succession Concerns
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Red Flags for CRM: "We don’t know if they’re ready"
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Client Impact: Business at risk
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Recommended Expert Type: Succession consultant
Sudden Wealth
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Red Flags for CRM: Emotional volatility, fear, thrill-seeking
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Client Impact: Poor decisions
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Recommended Expert Type: Integration coach/therapist
Emotional Money Issues
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Red Flags for CRM: Shame, secrecy, compulsive behaviors
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Client Impact: Relationship and planning blocks
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Recommended Expert Type: Financial therapist
Tax/Legal Mismatch
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Red Flags for CRM: "I signed it but don’t get it"
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Client Impact: Missed opportunities
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Recommended Expert Type: Technical educator
Section 3: Internal CRM Discussion Tool
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What’s the presenting issue? Is it emotional, educational, structural, or all three?
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Can we manage it internally, or is neutrality/expertise a gap?
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What’s at stake if this goes unresolved?
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Have we seen this pattern before with this family or others?
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Are we prepared to recommend someone specific, or do we need a curated shortlist?
Section 4: Conversation Starters for Clients
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“Many families in your situation find it helpful to bring in a third party who specializes in [issue]. It allows us to move forward without the emotional or relational friction that sometimes shows up.”
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“This is an area where we often partner with specialists—people who do just this kind of work. We stay involved and coordinated, but they help the family engage in a deeper way.”
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“Rather than push through this internally, we could consider bringing in someone with outside perspective and experience. Would that feel like a relief or a complication right now?”
Section 5: Best Practices for Working with Outside Facilitators
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Clearly define roles and scope with the provider and client
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Stay involved as a support and coordinator (don’t hand off entirely)
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Debrief with the family regularly and with the provider as appropriate
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Capture learnings for future client engagements
Section 6: Practice Scenarios & Role Play
Include a few short client vignettes where CRMs must assess the situation and decide whether/how to recommend an outside facilitator. Debrief each scenario in a group setting to highlight learning moments.
Section 7: Optional Appendices
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Sample provider directory template (curated experts by type)
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Sample engagement letter language
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Flowchart/decision tree or table on when to consider an outside facilitator
Role-Play Vignettes
You can use the following scenarios to help client relationship professionals practice identifying the need for outside facilitation, framing the recommendation to clients, and collaborating across teams.
Vignette 1: The Silent Son
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A 68-year-old matriarch is preparing her estate plan and has named her three adult children as co-trustees.
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Two of the children are vocal in planning meetings, but the youngest son rarely speaks.
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The CRM senses hesitation and tension but hasn’t explored it directly.
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The matriarch is eager to finalize everything quickly.
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What concerns might this raise? Would you recommend bringing in an outside facilitator? If so, how would you frame that conversation?
Vignette 2: Philanthropy Without Purpose
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A couple in their 50s have launched a family foundation and started giving large gifts to causes that matter to them.
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Their two young adult children seem disengaged or confused during discussions about philanthropy.
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The parents want the foundation to be a 'training ground' but are frustrated by the kids’ lack of initiative.
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The CRM wonders whether a structured educational approach is needed.
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What options could the client relationship manager present? Would an external partner help here?
Vignette 3: The Entrepreneurial Heir
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The second-generation son of a wealthy family recently launched a startup and asked the family office for support.
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His business plan is passionate but vague, and his requests for funding are significant.
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The parents want to support him but are worried about enabling failure or entitlement.
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Tension is growing within the family about how to handle it.
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What role could an outside facilitator or entrepreneurial coach play in this situation?
Vignette 4: The Disconnected Trustee
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A long-time client family recently transitioned a corporate trustee relationship to a cousin who lives out of state.
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The new trustee is technically competent but rarely communicates with the beneficiaries.
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The CRM has started fielding complaints and frustration from beneficiaries.
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There is no formal governance framework to support dialogue.
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What facilitation or governance support could improve the situation?
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A 68-year-old matriarch is preparing her estate plan and has named her three adult children as co-trustees.
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Two of the children are vocal in planning meetings, but the youngest son rarely speaks.
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The CRM senses hesitation and tension but hasn’t explored it directly.
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The matriarch is eager to finalize everything quickly.
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What concerns might this raise? Would you recommend bringing in an outside facilitator? If so, how would you frame that conversation?
How to Justify the Investment in Using an Outside Facilitator
Client relationship managers can justify the additional cost of bringing in an outside wealth education expert by framing it as a strategic investment in long-term wealth preservation, family harmony, and responsible financial stewardship. Here’s how to position the value:
1. Risk Mitigation: Preventing Costly Mistakes
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Poor financial decision-making by heirs can erode wealth quickly.
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Mismanagement of trusts, investments, or tax strategies can lead to significant losses.
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Sudden-wealth recipients often face high failure rates in maintaining their wealth (e.g., lottery winners, business sale windfalls).
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Justification: The cost of expert education is minimal compared to the potential financial and emotional damage of poor decision-making.
2. Enhancing Family Continuity and Reducing Conflict
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Lack of financial literacy can lead to misunderstandings, entitlement, and disputes among heirs.
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An expert can facilitate structured discussions and governance education to prevent future legal battles and relationship breakdowns.
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Justification: The cost is small relative to the legal fees, family strife, and wealth dissipation that can arise from financial mismanagement or disputes.
3. Increasing Long-Term Wealth Retention
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Wealth can dissipate as families grow across generations.
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Teaching heirs how to manage wealth responsibly can ensure assets last for many generations.
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Justification: The return on investment (ROI) is the preservation and growth of family wealth over decades.
4. Supporting the Client’s Legacy and Values
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Many affluent individuals want their wealth to serve a greater purpose (e.g., philanthropy, responsible investment).
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An expert can help the rising generation align financial decisions with family values and long-term goals.
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Justification: The cost is justified as part of the family's legacy planning and stewardship.
5. Empowering the Rising Generation for Entrepreneurial or Investment Success
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If heirs are expected to run a family business, manage a trust, or oversee investments, education and mentoring ensures they are well-prepared.
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Professional training reduces reliance on external advisors, saving costs in the long run.
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Justification: Rather than paying for reactive crisis management, proactive education helps heirs make informed, independent decisions.
6. Demonstrating Fiduciary Responsibility and Value-Added Service
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Offering wealth education differentiates a wealth manager from competitors.
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It strengthens client relationships and deepens trust.
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Justification: A well-educated client base enhances long-term advisor-client retention and solidifies the wealth manager’s role in multigenerational planning.
Sample Engagement Letter for Outside Facilitator Engagement
1. Purpose of Engagement
The purpose of this engagement is to provide facilitation and/or advisory services to support the [Family Name] in addressing [brief description of the situation, e.g., succession planning, governance, rising-generation education, or communication alignment].
2. Scope of Services
The facilitator will:
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Conduct interviews or meetings with individual family members as appropriate
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Facilitate structured discussions or workshops focused on [key topics]
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Provide summaries, observations, or recommendations as agreed upon
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Coordinate with [Your MFO Name] to ensure alignment with existing family strategy and planning
3. Role of [Your MFO Name]
[Your MFO Name] will:
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Remain involved throughout the engagement in a coordination and support capacity
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Participate in planning and debriefing meetings with the facilitator
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Help the family evaluate the process and next steps
Note: The facilitator is not an employee, agent, or representative of [Your MFO Name], and all services are rendered independently.
4. Fees and Payment
Fees for the facilitation services will be agreed upon directly between the [Family Name] and the facilitator and invoiced accordingly.
[Or: The MFO will invoice the family for the facilitator’s services as part of the monthly billing cycle.]
5. Confidentiality
The facilitator is expected to maintain the confidentiality of all family information disclosed during the engagement. A separate confidentiality agreement may be signed between the family and the facilitator.
6. Limitations
The facilitator will not provide legal, tax, investment, or mental health services unless otherwise credentialed and explicitly engaged for such services.
7. Duration and Review
This engagement will begin on [start date] and is expected to continue through [end date or milestone]. The family and [Your MFO Name] will review progress regularly and assess whether to continue, modify, or conclude the engagement.
Sample E-Mail to Client - Introducing the Idea of Facilitation
Subject: Introducing a Facilitator to Support Upcoming Family Conversations
Hi [Client's First Name],
I hope this note finds you well. As we continue to support your family’s planning and communication, I wanted to share a recommendation that we’ve seen work very well for families in similar situations.
In some cases, bringing in a neutral third-party facilitator can really help guide important conversations—especially around topics like family goals, transitions, or rising-generation involvement. These facilitators are experienced at helping families navigate sensitive dynamics, ensure everyone’s voice is heard, and move toward shared understanding.
We remain involved in every step of the way and coordinate closely with the facilitator to ensure the process reflects your family’s values and priorities. We’d also clarify the scope, timeline, and fees with you before moving forward—so everything stays clear and comfortable.
If this is something you’d like to explore, I’d be happy to talk through what it could look like and share a few trusted facilitators we’ve worked with.
Warm regards,
[Your Name]
[Your Title]
[Your MFO Name]
[Contact Info]
Sample E-Mail to Client - Succession Planning
Subject: Support for Your Family’s Succession Planning Conversations
Hi [Client's First Name],
As you reflect on your family’s long-term goals and leadership transition, I wanted to offer a suggestion that could bring real value to the process.
Many families navigating succession planning have found it helpful to bring in a neutral third-party facilitator, someone with the experience and objectivity to guide complex conversations. A skilled facilitator can make it easier for families to talk openly, get clear on what they want, and think through options in a thoughtful and respectful way.
This kind of support often leads to deeper clarity—not just about who will lead next, but about how roles, responsibilities, and expectations are communicated and lived across generations.
Of course, our team stays involved throughout. We work closely with the facilitator to ensure the experience aligns with your family’s goals and values. We’d also confirm the scope, timing, and cost with you up front.
If you’d like to explore this option, I’d be happy to talk through what it might look like and introduce a few facilitators we know and trust.
Warmly,
[Your Name]
[Your Title]
[Your MFO Name]
[Contact Info]
Sample E-Mail to Client - Rising-Gen Development
Subject: Helping the Rising Generation Learn and Connect
Hi [Client's First Name],
As you continue thinking about how to support the rising generation, I wanted to share an approach that can make a meaningful difference—especially for younger family members who value learning alongside peers.
Many families are finding that a combination of one-on-one conversations and group experiences—guided by a skilled, neutral facilitator—can be a powerful way to engage rising-gen members. Whether through small group sessions, retreats, or facilitated discussions with cousins or peers from other families, these experiences help them connect, ask real questions, and explore what it means to be part of a family enterprise.
The best facilitators make this feel natural and relevant. They focus on curiosity and connection rather than pressure, and they help rising-gen members see that there’s more than one way to contribute meaningfully to the family’s future.
We’d stay involved and help shape the experience to match your family’s needs, values, and timing. I’d also be happy to introduce a few trusted facilitators and walk through what the process could look like.
Warmly,
[Your Name]
[Your Title]
[Your MFO Name]
[Contact Info]
Sample E-Mail to Client - Conflict Resolution
Subject: Navigating Differences with Clarity and Care
Hi [Client's First Name],
In any family with meaningful shared assets or responsibilities, it’s natural for different perspectives to emerge over time. When those differences become difficult to work through internally, it can be helpful to bring in a neutral third-party facilitator—someone who’s skilled at guiding complex conversations with clarity, respect, and discretion.
A good facilitator doesn’t take sides. They help family members express concerns constructively, listen to one another more effectively, and work toward solutions that feel fair and sustainable. Often, just having someone trusted and objective in the room creates space for a more open and productive dialogue.
We stay involved throughout the process and work closely with the facilitator to make sure the approach fits your family’s values and goals. We’d also review the scope, timing, and cost together before moving forward.
If you think this might be helpful, I’d be glad to talk through what it could look like and introduce a few facilitators we trust and have seen add real value in similar situations.
Warmly,
[Your Name]
[Your Title]
[Your MFO Name]
[Contact Info]
Sample E-Mail to Client - Inheritance or Sudden Wealth
Subject: Support After Inheritance or Sudden Wealth
Hi [Client's First Name],
I hope you’re doing well. I wanted to reach out because we often see that receiving a significant inheritance or experiencing a major financial shift, even when it’s expected, can bring up more than just logistical or financial questions.
Many people find themselves navigating a quiet wave of emotion: uncertainty, pressure, guilt, or even a sense of disconnection from those around them. It’s not unusual for these transitions to stir up deeper questions about identity, purpose, or relationships, even while others assume it should be a purely positive experience.
In moments like these, families sometimes find it helpful to work with a skilled facilitator, wealth therapist, or coach. Someone neutral and experienced can help make sense of the personal side of this transition. Whether it’s one-on-one conversations, support for making decisions, or simply creating room to reflect, this kind of work can help clarify next steps and restore a sense of agency and peace.
If this resonates with what you’re experiencing, I’d be happy to talk more about what support could look like and share a few trusted professionals we work with. Of course, we’ll remain closely involved to make sure the approach fits your needs and values.
Warmly,
[Your Name]
[Your Title]
[Your MFO Name]
[Contact Info]
Sample E-Mail to Client - Philanthropic Decision-Making
Subject: Supporting Your Family’s Philanthropic Conversations
Hi [Client's First Name],
As your family continues to give, whether through a foundation, donor-advised fund, or impact investments, you may find that meaningful giving brings equally meaningful conversations.
Sometimes those conversations surface differences across generations: one branch of the family might emphasize community recognition and legacy, while another is drawn to social justice or reducing wealth inequality. These differences aren’t just about strategy; they reflect deeper values and worldviews.
We’ve seen philanthropy become a powerful practice ground for shared decision-making. When facilitated well, it gives families a low-stakes, high-purpose way to explore priorities, listen across perspectives, and build confidence in navigating decisions together.
That’s especially true when new approaches like impact investing enter the picture, adding a layer of financial complexity to what was once “just giving.” A skilled facilitator can help structure the conversation, create space for reflection, and guide the family toward alignment without pushing anyone aside.
If this feels relevant, I’d be happy to explore what that kind of support could look like and introduce a few trusted facilitators we’ve worked with. Of course, we stay closely involved to ensure the process aligns with your family’s goals, values, and relationships.
Warmly,
[Your Name]
[Your Title]
[Your MFO Name]
[Contact Info]
Facilitator Engagement Overview
This document outlines how we work with outside facilitators to support families through important conversations, planning, and transitions. Our goal is to ensure a smooth and thoughtful process that reflects your family’s values and priorities.
1. Why We’re Involving a Facilitator
Sometimes, families benefit from working with a neutral third party to help guide important discussions. Facilitators can bring structure, experience, and a calm, objective presence to conversations about family goals, transitions, or challenges.
2. What the Facilitator Will Do
Depending on your needs, the facilitator may:
- Meet individually or in small groups with family members
- Lead structured discussions or workshops
- Offer feedback, insights, or summaries of key themes
- Coordinate with our team to make sure everything stays aligned
3. How We’ll Work Together
Our team will stay involved as your trusted advisor. We’ll:
- Help you and the facilitator get started smoothly
- Stay connected throughout the process
- Support any follow-up or next steps that arise
Please note: The facilitator works independently and is not part of our staff.
4. Fees and Payment
We’ll confirm the facilitator’s fees with you in advance. In some cases, you’ll pay them directly. In other cases, we may include their services in our billing cycle—we’ll clarify that up front.
5. Respecting Your Privacy
Facilitators are expected to treat all family conversations and information with strict confidentiality. We’re happy to sign a confidentiality agreement if that gives you added comfort.
6. What the Facilitator Won’t Do
Facilitators don’t provide legal, tax, or investment advice. If you need support in those areas, we’ll connect you with the right professionals.
7. Timing and Check-Ins
We’ll agree on a general timeframe and check in regularly to make sure the process feels useful and respectful of your time and goals.
About Me
As a Professional Certified Coach [1] and facilitator, my work focuses on helping multi-family offices and private wealth firms bring family dynamics into the heart of their client relationships—without losing the trust they’ve worked hard to build.
With a background that blends psychology, governance, and coaching, I support client relationship managers in developing the judgment and confidence to navigate complex family situations. My role is often behind the scenes—helping advisors know when and how to bring in outside facilitation, and how to stay connected to their clients throughout.
Over the years, I’ve worked alongside advisory teams and client families as they face succession planning, rising-generation development, leadership transitions, and communication challenges. What I offer is practical and collaborative—tools, training, and perspective that enhance the work advisors are already doing.
I hold a BS from MIT and a PhD in Personality and Developmental Psychology from Harvard. I also serve as a faculty member with the Ultra High Net Worth Institute and as an Entrepreneur in Residence at Babson College’s Bertarelli Institute for Family Entrepreneurship.
If you’d like to connect, you can reach me at paul@edelmancoaching.com or visit edelmancoaching.com.
